Former US President Barack Obama joined wife Michelle and brother-in-law Craig Robinson on a recent episode of the “IMO” podcast to share insights on raising emotionally intelligent boys and building inclusive communities for the next generation.
The podcast featured a question from a new mother of a one-year-old son, asking how to raise emotionally competent men in a world that focuses heavily on empowering girls. “What can we do to change the fact that we raise our girls and we love our boys?” she asked.
In response, Barack Obama offered candid reflections on raising boys to recognize and resist troubling online ideologies, and emphasised the importance of broader male role models.
Obama: Boys need more than just one male role model
Obama recalled his college days, crediting a gay professor as an influential figure in his development.
“I had a gay professor in college, who became one of my favourite professors,” he said. “He was a great guy and would call me out when I started saying stuff that was ignorant. You need that to show empathy and kindness.”
The former president stressed the need for boys to see different expressions of masculinity.
“That’s one of the things that I think a lot of times boys need—not just exposure to one guy, one dad, no matter how good the dad is. He can’t be everything,” Obama noted.
‘You need that person in your friend group’
Obama argued that having LGBTQ friends helps men become better fathers and role models by fostering empathy and inclusiveness.
“You need that person in your friend group so that if you then have a boy who is gay or non-binary or whatever, they have somebody they can go, ‘Okay, I’m not alone in this,’” he said. “That, I think, is creating that community. I know it’s corny, but that’s what they need.”
Criticism of progressive messaging on boys
While praising efforts to uplift girls, Obama critiqued progressives for overlooking boys.
“I will say, as quote-unquote progressives, Democrats, progressive parents, enlightened ones, we’ve made that mistake sometimes in terms of our rhetoric,” he said. “We’re constantly talking about what’s going on with the boys instead of what’s right with them. And that’s been a mistake.”
He added that people are beginning to recognise this imbalance.
‘Many ways to be a man’
Obama also reflected on evolving ideas of masculinity, noting positive change among younger men while cautioning against abandoning all traditional values.
It’s promising that young men are starting to realize there are many different ways of being a good, strong, successful, happy man, he said.
Still, he lamented that “some of the good stuff from the old models,” like chivalry, we just threw out.